We rely on, and spend more time with, our colleagues than with most other people in our lives: yet we frequently experience conflict at work. This is a problem that is beginning to be recognised, but it is still not being dealt with either effectively or sufficiently. Conflict is such a broad term for what can be experienced, ranging from office gossip to outright bullying. In nearly every single office there is always going to be personality clashes at some point, and some of the time they will be fairly easily resolved, however, sometimes they aren’t and there is often no other option than to resign. The real problem underlying this situation is that people really don’t have the skills to deal with these kinds of situations. They frequently accept the problem when it is happening and then get upset and/or stressed afterwards.
The Five (common) Strategies for Dealing with Conflict:
1. Avoidance. This is the most frequently used strategy along with accommodation. Here conflict is avoided and when conflict does appear the person refuses to engage in the situation.
Example: Someone making a nasty comment and the person it was aimed at simply walking away. While this is not the most effective way of dealing with conflict, it is worth being considered as a strategy for when the conflict is just not worth the effort of being addressed (if you won’t see the person again, or if you are genuinely not concerned by it)
2. Accommodation. Here you take the conflict and submit.
Example: Listening to personal ‘gossip’ and believing it. Again, very frequently used especially where there is low confidence and self-esteem in play.
3. Compete. This one means that you play the person at his or her own game and work hard to get your own way in the conflict.
Example: Someone starts spreading rumours about you, so you do the same in return in an attempt to discredit the power of the other person’s word. This can lead to a vicious circle as the conflict escalates. Be very sure you want to use this strategy as lowering yourself to someone else’s level rarely shows you in the best light or resolves anything
4. Compromise. A much more useful tactic to use: here you don’t give in to the conflict, but work out a solution somewhere inbetween all sides.
Example: Someone delegates a huge amount of work to your already huge workload. You respond by taking on some of it, and then recommending that this person manages the rest, or delegates elsewhere. This is the strategy of choice for most untrained managers as this is how we frequently deal with children in real life – and therefore a behaviour we are familiar with. This can of course lead to the obvious downfall of the actual solution leaving no-one satisfied with the outcome.
5. Collaborate. The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of conflict such as bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.
Although the most effective, this strategy is the most difficult strategy if confidence levels are low as it involves actually naming the issue to the conflict-creator, which can cause huge anxiety and fear.
Tips:
Always try and work the issue, not the person. This means addressing the behaviour rather than the entire existence of that person. There is a different level of ownership for behaviours, and people will take less offence if you criticise their behaviour than if you criticise them personally.
Never lay blame, as this will only fan the fire. If you are not getting anywhere, ask for further information from the other person about the reasons for their behaviour, but try to avoid questions with ‘why’ at the beginning. If you do this the other person may feel ‘under the spotlight’ and get defensive.
Remember that people who enjoy creating conflict are often those that have a need to control others. Frequently this is because either they have suffered in a similar way before or feel that they have very little control over their own lives and do anything they can to feel in control. A little compassion can take you a long way to both resolve the situation and put it behind you when it is resolved.
Dr Gary Namie, co-founder and president of the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute in the US, conducted an online survey of 1,000 people who claimed to have been bullied at work. 37% were eventually fired, and 33% quit their jobs. In a reversal of the typical childhood bullying scenario (in which unpopular and apparently weak children are picked on most frequently) adult victims in the workplace tend to be very capable and charismatic people. The bully often sees them as a threat.
Most workplace bullies are thought to be women — 58% according to those Namie surveyed — and so are their targets — 80% of those surveyed. The estimated figure is that half the adult population will experience severe conflict at work at least once in their working life, and that the majority of people don’t expect conflict and don’t know how to deal with it.
Bullying conjures up images of schools and young children, but it is growing trend in the workplace, which is rarely tackled openly, even if you have policies in place to deal with this issue.
There are always legal options to take should the strategies above not resolve the conflict. Don’t ever just put up with bullying, seek help and advice.
is it time to take A Bolt from the You? 